Weakness

O Spirit of God,

Help my infirmities;

When I am pressed doesn with a load of sorrow,

Perplexed and knowing not what to do,

Slandered and persecuted,

Made to feel the weight of the cross,

Help me, I pray thee.

If thou seest in me

Any wrong thing encouraged;

Any evil desire cherished,

Any delight that is not thy delight,

Any habit that grieves thee,

Any nest of sin in my heart,

Then grant me the kiss of they forgiveness,

And teach my feet to walk the way of they commandments.

Deliver me from carking care,

And make me a happy, holy person;

Help me to walk the separated life with firm and brave step,

And to wrestle successfully aganist weakness;

Teach me to laud, adore, and magnify thee,

With the music of heaven,

And make me a perfume of praiseful gratitude to thee.

I do not crouch a they feet as a slave before a tyrant,

But exult before thee as a son with a father.

Give me power to live as they child in all my actions,

And to exercise sonship by conquering self.

Perserve me from the intoxication that comes of prosperitiy;

Sober me when I am glad with a joy that comes not from thee.

Lead me safely on to the eternal kingdon,

Not asking whether the road be rough or smooth.

I request only to see the face of him I love,

To be content with bread to eat,

With raiment to put on,

If I can be brought to they house in peace.

~Taken from The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers & Devotions. (Editor-Arthur Bennett)

The case of the Mondays

Mondays. I never had such a hard time with Mondays. I was always ready to face on the week when Monday comes around. But today was different. Today was Monday. This specific Monday I learned many things about myself that scared me in the end.

It all starts with attitude. I woke up in a bad mood. Why? I don't know. Apparently when I woke up in the morning I decided to be in bad mood. Well, that was a stupid idea. I walked into work with a bad mood. I went to a meeting in a bad mood. I walked into chapel with a bad mood. That is when I realized I was in a bad mood.

It's amazing how powerful worship is even when you feel like you want to tear the world apart with your hands.

My bad mood was a result of my response to all the little things that were mounting up in my life. I was becoming overwhelmed. I had no control of what was going on. I felt inadequate. I didn't want to be pushed anymore. I was tired of being challenged. I wanted to give up and run away to a far away place where unicorns and rainbows exist.

I listened to the words of worship. The Holy Spirit was moving. God is so good. He will speak to you when you need it even though you don't want to hear it. I found myself singing my heart out to my Savior. I prayed and worshipped. I felt like that was the only thing that I could have done. I felt that I had no control of anything else that was happening around me. I did what I knew what to do...I worshipped. He answered. It was beautiful.

God continued to be faithful for the rest of the Monday. God showed me how selfish and prideful I was. He reminded me that there were bigger things than me. He reminded me that there are people out there who are hurt and needs His love. Gosh, I thought to myself. How selfish and stupid am I? Why this bad attitude? Ya, that did suck and that other thing sucked. Ya, shucks that didn't work out. Ya, you're not perfect. but ya....God is good. God is faithful. In the midst of all the bad attitude and crap in our lives....he is good.

So I had a bad case of the Monday's today. It wasn't fun. I had a bad attitude. I also have a God who is good. Whenever you get a bad case of the Mondays, remind yourself of who you are....and then remind yourself how great God is.

Battle of the sexes

Tonight I can confindently say that I do not understand the male sex at times. I do not understand why they act the way they do. I do not understand why they say the things they say. I do not understand why they are they way they are. What I do understand is that my Creator wired male and female completely different? The hard part is trying to remember when questioning why the male species is acting like a complete fool at that moment. I know the female population is a headache to understand but then again...it's the male species that is having a hard time understanding us. It's just interesting to me of how male and female can miscommunicate with each other.

It's crazy how emotions and feelings can get tied into the whole ordeal. I do appreciate the male sex at times. I have numerous guy friends (hello, I went to LeTourneau) that I thank God for. They are great and I do miss them while I'm here in Indiana. But the guys outside my group of friends are the ones that I have no idea who they are. It's funny how guys say the same thing about girls too. They say that girls are crazy and are full emotions. Well hello but...duh. We are the emotional/relational beings. (If you are a girl and think I'm stereotyping your sex. Wake up darling. You are emotional...embrace it. It's part of womanhood.) I'm tired of hearing both sex complaining about each other and the miscommunication that happens. I'm losing hope that one day there may be peace on earth between the battle of the sexes. Call me an idealist but I think if both parties actually try a little bit there actually can be peace on earth.

Take Time to Give Time

Yes, I know it has been way to long for an update or a random rambling. I do apologize for that and I really do not have any excuse. I guess the only thing I can say for my behavior is that my life has been taken to the next level and I'm still in transition mode. Just to fill some of yall in, I am now in grad school. I am in my fourth week of classes and I already feel the pressure. Let me just clarify that I love my classes and what I am learning here. What am I getting my masters in? Well, my friend, let me tell you..*drum roll*...Masters of Arts in Higher Education and Student Development at Taylor University. Tada! Ok, some of you have no idea what that is or what I can do with that. You know the people who do the student activities or the RD's in your college/univeristy? Ya, that's me. Well, not technically but it's a good description that I can think of. I'm actually working with Taylor World Outreach. I pretty much work with the student leader who lead different ministries that Taylor students can participate in. My classes are amazing because they challenge me to another level of how to interact with students and take into account the history and foundations of higher education as well.



So now I'm located in the middle nowhere, Indiana....in the middle of cornfields. Ya, I never thought I would end up here too. But trust me, God is good on showing me why He brought me here. I never really considered myself being a "city girl" but let me tell you, where I am now...I appreciate tall buildings and civilization a whole lot more. I guess it's a good thing though because I can focuse more on my studies and work. I'm just surrounded by cornfields...and I think I have eaten corn once since I have been here.



So what's the latest though that has been running through my mind lately?...hmmmm....well, I have a bunch of stuff in there from classes and assistantship. But let me give you something that I had to accept today. Priorities. Today I realized that I needed to go back through my list of priorities and see what needs to be changed or added. I knew that transition from undergrad to grad wouldn't be easy but I didn't know how much I needed to change. My priorities are significantly different. I had to come to a point to say it's ok that they have changed. I think I have fought the system too hard to a point of exhaustion. One priority that I knew that I needed to change was the I actually need time to myself. Away from people and their issues. Since my career focus is on student development, I'm constantly around students and people. I'm always checking in on how they are doing and what I can do to help them. I hang out with my class mates outside of school and work. I really come home just to sleep. Solitude. Something I need it and I lack it. I just need time to sit and soak in the presence of who I am....and who God is. I'll admit I do not do that enough. It has caught up with me. How am I willing to serve students with what God has given me if I don't continue to seek out His face? I am just using my own strength and ability that in the end...I'll crash and burn. That is the reason why I feel inadequate at times. I know I am placed in this position for a reason. I need my time alone. I need my time with God. I need my time to give my time.



Are you taking your time? Are you soaking in His presence? Are you taking a moment to yourself and breathe? Turn off all noise. Quiet your mind and soal. You will be surprise to find what is there.