Cafecito con Lima: Boom. Ok, I got it.

Ahhh, Lima...it's been forever since you have posted...what is going on????

I'm sorry for not updating my blog as much anymore. Coming back home has kept me busy catching up with friends and family.

Spending time with people that I dearly love has been such a great refresher for me. They are the ones that have been with me through the up's and down's of life. Reuniting with some of my close friends reminded me of all the good times we had through our college years. It's crazy to think that some of us has real jobs, bills to pay, significant others to factor in, children to attend and all that other grown up stuff. Yet it didn't stop us from hitting the sand volleyball courts and make new memories at Sonic.

I think my favorite part about being home is hearing how much God has been moving in my friend's lives. Story after story they tell me of how much healing and reconciliation has been happening. Maturing and growing up...they say. Whoa. We never thought that could happen...yet, it's here. I see my friends taking leadership positions in church and their homes, pursuing their careers and taking the "next step" in their relationships. We are really growing up.

(Well, kind of. We still are making "That's what she said" jokes and laughing at the word "butt" at times. Some of us are also still broke--Gracias, economy--and rely on church events and "student" discounts for food)

This leads me to ask myself some questions...am I growing up? Did I grow in my walk with God? Did I "mature"? Am I learning? Did I actually learn how to cook? Did I eat my veggies today? Am I becoming the woman of God that He has called me to be? Am I remembering to pay them bills? Can I make my own bed? Am I taking steps forward? Am I letting go? Am I educating myself in political and higher education issues? Am I procrastinating on my freaking thesis? Did I take out the garbage last night? (Crap, I need to do laundry...running out of underwear) Am I making a difference at all? Am I he

aling?

It's funny because I was able to answer those questions in a positive sense, but there were a some that I couldn't answer. I realized that I still have a heck of a lot of work to do in my life. (My cooking skills suck and I hate making my bed) There are so many faults and things that I need to change. I still need to let go of the past in order to move on to my future. My future as an adult. My future as a woman. My future as a Latina in higher education. My future as a wife. My future as a traveler. My future as a professor. My future as an amature artist. My future as an wannabe writer. My future as a mom. I have a lot of "future's" in mind.

In other words...it dawned on me. I still need to heal....for all my "future's", which lead me to realizing that God is not done with me yet.

Then I took a moment to freak out a bit.

I thought to myself: "Can God actually heal me?....the deep down, nasty, and ugly stuff...can God heal that?"

....What the heck?.................... Did that just happen?.....

.......Did I just doubt God's power?

.................................................Whhhaaaaaat?

.....................................................Crap. I just did................

(insert struck by lighting here)

...............Epic fail.

I also took that moment to beat myself up....a punch here...a headlock there....a karate chop here.

Then through the midst of the questions, punches, and convictions....He reminded me:

Do not limit me. Don't you dare limit my power. Where is your lack of faith? The more you seek me...the more you trust me. Just because you have some healing to do...you are still called to work with people. You still have your job with students. You still have to be the example. You still have to love others because I first love you.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ~Jeremiah 29:13

Boom...Ok, I got it.

Bottom line (This may sound the "Christian cheesy" to you...but it's the truth. So deal.): No matter where you are in your like and walk with God...He is not done with you yet. Continue to seek Him out. Also, just because you are still being worked on doesn't mean that He will not use you for His glory. You are still His child. So stop being a pansy and put yourself out there. Go to grad school, accept that job, travel to that country, shake your booty, take that family member in, lose those 20 pounds, turn off that tv, break off that relationship, start that relationship, read that book, change churches, vote for that person, break that habit, reconcile with that family member, pray more, love more, listen more, learn more, serve more.

Ya, you may get hurt or something may go wrong, but you will get over it. He is going to use you...like it or not.